False Dichotomies: our self-imposed limitations
Nothing limits us more than our own mind and its unconscious beliefs.
One particularly interesting way in which we, as individuals, as well as our society and culture, unnecessarily restrict our possibilities is through false dichotomies (also called either-or fallacies or false dilemmas).
Excelsior University defines false dichotomies as “a logical fallacy that presents only two options or sides when there are many options or sides. Essentially, a false dilemma presents a ‘black and white’ kind of thinking when there are actually many shades of gray.”
False dichotomies arise whenever we believe that in order to have something we want, we must give up something else that we also want.
Or when we believe that in order to have something, we must accept something else that we don’t actually want.
Your brain loves clarity and certainty. It also seeks to conserve energy when it comes to making decisions. It will always try to quickly determine if you will come out of a situation as a winner or a loser. There are obviously situations in which this mechanism is extremely helpful for survival.
For example, imagine you come across a giant snake. Your brain quickly presents you with two options: staying close to the snake and dying, or backing off and surviving.
In this situation, spending time contemplating what could lie between those two options could potentially cost you your life. A quick decision-making process is crucial here.
However, most of the time, our brain’s tendency to see only two apparently opposing sides prevents us from recognizing a wide array of possibilities that could help us lead richer and more fulfilling lives.
Here are some examples of false dichotomies:
“I’d love to start my own business, but I also want to be a good mum to my two children.” Implicit false dichotomy: I can either be an entrepreneur or a good mum, but not both. I have to choose.
“I’d love to have a healthy diet, but I also love tasty food.” Implicit false dichotomy: I can either eat healthy food or tasty food, but not both. I have to choose.
“I’d love to devote eight hours a day to creating art, but I also need a stable income.” Implicit false dichotomy: I can either be a full-time artist or have financial security, but not both. I have to choose.
You get the idea.
We think two options are opposites and incompatible even when they aren’t.
The truth is, you can start your own business AND be a good mum. You can eat food that is both healthy AND tasty. You can be a full-time artist AND have financial security.
Try asking yourself how a situation would look like if you weren’t forced to choose. Close your eyes and vividly visualise it in your mind.
What does this scenario look like?
How do you feel in this mental scenario?
Does it feel good to be there?
Repeat this visualisation exercise every once in a while and then ask yourself the following question:
How can I make this happen?
Grab a pen and paper and write down every idea that comes to mind.
This process is important for two reasons:
- It’s easier for your brain to believe that something is possible when it has already visualised it.
- Your brain loves to answer questions. When you ask yourself something, your brain will start figuring out the answers. Even if you don’t immediately come up with a solution, your unconscious mind is working on it. Let your brain surprise you with what it can come up with when you feed it the right questions.
Important Disclaimer: There will be resistance.
In order to access the nuances and possibilities that lie between ostensible dichotomies, you’ll have to overcome all the “yes, but…” that your brain will also come up with. Your brain will present you with evidence of your own past or other people’s lives in order to prove that something is not possible. It will fight to defend its self-imposed limitations.
However, remember what you’ve visualised. If you could create it mentally, trust that you can find a way to make it work in real life.
Train yourself to watch out for the false dichotomies that rule your life, and you’ll quickly realise that your life can be much more nuanced and colourful than you thought it could be.
Source and inspiration for this article:
Podcast “Change ma vie”, Episode 188: Les Fausses Dichotomies
https://changemavie.com/episodes/les-fausses-dichotomies
